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Perspectives

Chris Jepson

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It’s over. The 2012 presidential election is over. If you think the Republican presidential field is sketchy right now, what with ol’ Donald “Yo-Birth-Certificate” Trump as the leading candidate, well, wait until the August 2012 GOP National Convention when the only candidates willing to run are the Republican-twin-air biscuit-sisters of Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann.

N-yah, N-yah, N-yah, N-yah, yah! Obama got Osama!

Too funny how things work out. Six more years of Obama must absolutely stick in the craw of Republicans. I can hear’um now. All that Tea Party wailing. From under a rock comes, “How are we going to completely destroy gubernment if’n dat black pretender still be presidin’?”

Oh, Jepson, it was never about Obama being a black man! Of course not. It was never about race. What was I thinking? That President Nixon made it formal Republican Party policy to target disgruntled Southern racists upset over Democrats and their damn 1960s civil rights legislation? Nah, it was never about a black man in the White House. It isn’t at all about picking up Southern boomer bigots (voters) or their Oklahoma redneck cousins or their Western counterparts, the anti-immigrant ignoramuses of sunny Arizona. “I see little brown people. Everywhere! And they don’t like me!”

“We’re just fine with a black man in the White House but where’s his birth certificate? Huh? And what about his elementary school grades? And just how did ”he” get into Harvard? And, my gawd, he can’t even bowl!”

If we ever needed to know the answers to such questions, it would have been for President George W. Bush. He weeeeent to Yale/Harvard!?!? Really!?! Legacy appointment! Fer sure! And where exactly was Bush during Vietnam? In the Alabama National Guard? Really!? Talk about missing in action.

Nope. It’s over. Now the only card in the Republican quiver is their infantile threat that, “We’ll shut down guberment — We will! Really! We will! — and hold our breaths really, really long unless Democrats agree to toss granny and grandpa under the Medicare bus!” All sung to the Republican chorus of, “That’s the way, un-huh, un-huh, I like it, un-huh, un-huh!” With maybe a little Republican conga-line tap dance over the remains of that liberal, seditious NPR or one of those godless — Horrors! — Planned Parenthood birth control clinics.

“It’s over, it’s over, it’s ohver,” sing it with me, “It’s over, it’s so oh … oh … ohover.” The 2012 election.

N-yah, N-yah, N-yah, N-yah, yah! Obama got Osama!

But the spin will come. Republicans will say this is a great day for America, blah, blah, blah and of course, we’re happy for President, ahem, Barack Hussein Obama. But they’ll be secretly seething inside because they know it’s over. It’s so oh … oh … ohover!

The president got his “chops” card punched! Boy! Did he! Obama took down Osama! Obama pulled the trigger. Who’s the man now!?

Picture the 2012 campaign with Sarah Palin still seeing Russia from her back porch, giving her entire book reading list (“The Gospel of Wealth for Republicans Only!” and “The Blessed Benefits of Trickle Down Economics”). Oh, I can’t wait.

President Obama will simply stand before a wanted dead or alive poster of Osama and slowly raise his left index finger and pretend, as if, to blow smoke from a gun barrel and then slyly brandish that beatific smile of his.

It’s over.