The Oberserver

Jump to content

This Week

Perspectives

Chris Jepson

Share »

In the aftermath of Tuesday's explosive press conference, Gov.-elect Rick Scott re-examined his controversial statements regarding Terri Schiavo, O. J. Simpson and stem cell research.

Winter Park / Maitland Observer columnist Chris Jepson secured an exclusive interview with the governor-elect's acting spokeswoman, Ima Yoking.

Ima Yoking is a graduate of the distinguished Kenneth Starr School of Ethical Politics. Before joining Rick Scott's campaign, Ms. Yoking interned with Supreme Court Judge Clarence Thomas and published her graduate research thesis: "The Criminally Liberal Myth of Separation of Church and State."

Ms. Yoking met Mr. Jepson on Winter Park's tony boulevard of restrained excess, at the trendy Panera Bread on Park Avenue. She wore a conservative tweed Chanel suit in Republican Red with a nipped-at-the-waist cardigan jacket and pearls with matching Manolo Blahnik red satin pumps.

Jepson: Thank you for your time, Ms. Yoking. Let's get right to the governor's call to exhume Terri Schiavo. That's creating quite a stir.

Yoking: Well, the governor is a sensitive man, and it was reported that moans and cries for help were heard at The Terri Schiavo Lives Memorial, and if there was even a remote chance that Terri needed to be rehooked up to life support, well, the governor is all about second chances.

Jepson: But exhuming the dead?

Yoking: If the governor's campaign is any example, who's to say when dead is dead? Besides, Republicans care.

Jepson: The governor stepped in hot water, however, with his response to O. J. Simpson.

Yoking: The governor is reconsidering asking that Mr. Simpson be paroled.

Jepson: When O. J. was on "60 Minutes", he stated that he was so utterly inspired by Rick Scott avoiding prosecution for his company's criminal activities, and how the cellblock now felt that they had a kindred soul in the governor's office …

Yoking: May I interject? Gov. Scott was genuinely touched. He has acknowledged his haste in suggesting that Mr. Simpson be paroled and given the job as executive director of the Miss Florida Beauty Pageant.

Jepson: But, Gov. Scott said …

Yoking: The governor said it might not be the best match of Mr. Simpson's, uh, talents. Next question.

Jepson: The Orlando area is investing a lot of community treasure and hope on its billion dollar-plus baby, the Medical Research City near Lake Nona. There are thousands of projected jobs. Rumors are floating that the governor will support a complete ban of stem cell research in Florida. That the Republican-controlled Legislature will pass such restrictions. Is that true?

Yoking: The governor has lived an exemplary life. His values, Republican values, are best exemplified by Gov. Scott's own personal mantra, "Every sperm is sacred." Together, sperm and egg, well, they are as so revered within Republican circles that as established principle, they are second only to "tax cuts for the rich."

Jepson: Let me paraphrase the Republican political trade off — in order for there to be unimpeded tax cuts forever, what remains of Republican rationalism will be willingly jettisoned to secure the critical support of pro-life voters.

Yoking: Yes, the governor supports tax cuts for life. Funny, how that all works out politically.

Jepson: Yes. Funny.